![]() It sucks even more when you aren't living the life you want to live because all of your ducks aren't in a row. Also, I'm going to suggest some changes that might be useful in your daily life, I don't know if you're looking for sympathy, but I'm going to give it to you, as well as some harsh sociological perspective. And I'm sitting here, on a message board, whining about it. My younger friends are getting wasted and making bad decisions. My former, older friends are out and about, doing their own things, setting out on their own adventures. So, here I am, on a Saturday night, with nothing to do, and no one to really hang out with. Not only that, but it's a little depressing to think that the only way I could get with a girl is when she's so drunk that she doesn't care who she's messing around with. I'm almost 22 I don't want to getting drunk and doing stupid **** with a bunch of people that are basically fresh out of high school. ![]() Admittedly, I liked the fact that he was at least trying to include me, but that's just not the kind of environment I want to surround myself with. He was telling me about all the alcohol they're going to have, and promising to help me hook up with drunk girls, etc. Even today, my one friend was trying to convince me to come to this party that he and another friend of mine are throwing tonight. They're still in the late teens/ early 20s phase of partying hard, drinking a lot, messing around with drunk girls, etc. They're a little too much for me, really. On the flip side, I still have a few friends left, though they're 2-3 years younger than me, and I'm not quite as close with them. I've even recently gotten back in touch with old friends and acquaintances I went to grade school/ high school with, and even they (who are the same age as me) seem to be better off and are on a better track than me. Yanno? It bugs me that I'm "advancing" through life SO much slower than my peers. I'm basically happy for them, I just feel sort of. True, it's kind of a downer to me that I rarely even see or hear from these people anymore, aside from the occasional Facebook shenanigans. Now, this isn't to say that I'm jealous of them. I've never even been on a date, let alone been in even one long term relationship. I'm still stuck in the same boring and irritating part time job in retail. I've flip-flopped around on majors so much that I don't even know when I'll end up graduating college, nor do I know what degree I'll ultimately end up with. Those are all the things that I want to "advance" to, but despite only being 2-3 years younger than those people, I feel light years behind them in accomplishing any of those things. Some of them completed their education and decided to start pursuing a real career, some of them found better opportunities to advance in life and have taken them, some have gotten married and/ or started a family, etc. In the last six months, all the people that I enjoyed being around the most have basically exited my life, because they've moved on to the next levels of their own lives. And lately, that fact has really started making me feel stuck in the "middle". It's weird, though, because all of them are either at least 2-3 years older than me, or 2-3 years younger than me. I'm still pretty reserved and to myself, but I think in the last couple of years, I've been able to kind of make a few good friends. Nobody else really wanted to get close to me (for fear of becoming targets, themselves, which I can understand I probably would've felt the same way), and I was just never able to trust people the same after that, and opening up has been extremely hard for me since then. Now, back in high school, I pretty much shut down completely, because a specific group of kids targeted me to endlessly bully and harass me for the entire four years. Recently, I've sort of been reflecting on the friends I keep. I'm trying to pinpoint what or where the problem lies, and I'm trying to figure out what I want out of life, and how to get it. I've been in a really weird place, lately, and I've been feeling unhappy or at least disinterested in a lot of the things in my life.
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